Today :-(

Today hasn't been a very good day for me.
It's been very lonely and angry and I just want to run away from here and just think and forget. I want to forget about the person I have these insane feelings for...because it would be easier than having to cope with them. And I want to run away so that it will be my fault that I'm lonely.
But as for this day, it's gone from neutral to lonely to angry...and now sad. And what should I do? What can I do? I honestly want to put everything on the table for her, apologize for the inconvenience, and leave. But I'm too afraid that there might actually be something possible if I just learn what patience is and apply it...but I'd rather just do something.
And I find it ridiculous that I'm feeling this way about this girl. I don't know what her favorite color is...
Nor do I know her favorite food.
I don't know her mom's name
And I don't know who she is, just what she has shown me.
And ultimately...I don't know anything at all.
Are relationships here supposed to be chosen by us based on Godly criteria, or should God be in complete control? Should I do something? Can I do anything at all? Am I even supposed to be with someone...cause I've really considered it today and it seems as though based on my life that I'm not meant to. The only constants in my life have been God and my mother.
Am I meant to be a lonely wanderer?
Because right now, I think that I am.
I just don't know...
Anything.
-M